This I Do Believe

Cycling down a Canadian country lane I came upon a strange looking tree with elongated cone-like appendages sticking out every which way.

It occurred to me that this was no earthly plant, but rather an alien presence. And those odd appendages embryonic life forms that, once matured, would proceed to wipe our species from the face of the earth.

Or it might have been a common Canadian tree with which I, a Floridian, am unfamiliar. But, really, what are the odds of that?

Like Alice’s Red Queen I am perfectly capable of believing six impossible things before breakfast. Which is to say that I am a Post Truth Age American. We all having tumbled, not down the rabbit hole, but rather into a credibility gap as wide and deep and serpentine as the Grand Canyon. 

Which, by the way, I believe was excavated out of the desert floor by ancient Egyptians and their laser-equipped flying saucers.

The advantage of living in our Perception Is Reality Fantasyland is that, unloosed from the factual bonds that once weighed us down like some sort of ethical gravitational field, we are all now perfectly free to believe whatever we care to and live our lives accordingly. Ipso facto. 

It is preposterous to believe that man actually set foot on the moon. Sorry, Warren.

Are you telling me that the same scientists who are lying to us about climate change were telling the truth when they say they hurled a human-filled capsule across the abyss and then brought it back again like some celestial boomerang?

Why, I might as well believe that terrorists, and not our government, blew up the World Trade Center. Deep State, dude. 

This I also believe:

That the real United Nations agenda is to make us all ride bicycles and live in biodomes. Which, by the way, I’m in favor of. 

That Donald Trump is not a philandering, racist, compulsive liar but simply an average Joe who tells it like it is because the rest of us are too afraid to. Because Deep State.

That the United States will never be a socialist country. Public schools, Medicare, Social Security, public highways, postal service, federal disaster relief and whatnot notwithstanding.

That Democrats have finally come out of the socialism closet but are waiting until the day after the election to go full commie.

That all of the toxic chemicals, effluvia and noisome gasses we are spewing into our water and air makes us healthier and wealthier. Because what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. 

That because some terrorists are Muslims, ergo all Muslims are terrorists. All 1.8 billion of them.

That fluoridation is chemical indoctrination, and vaccines cause autism.

That Putin is our friend. 

That Jesus died for our right to possess fully automatic assault rifles.

That white Anglo-Saxon congressmen are also people of color. 

That there are very fine people standing on both sides of the bigotry barrier. 

That we need to send The Squad back to where they came from because they hate America. 

But this I believe above all other things.

That if, after all he has said and done and lied to us about, we still insist on reelecting Donald Trump we will get the President we so richly deserve. 

And that the United States of America will cease to be. And rightfully so. 

Because mass, willful ignorance will have well and truly destroyed whatever vestiges still remained of the American Dream.

 

Author: floridavelocipede

A sometime journalist who used to string words together for a living before I retired to run a non-profit cycle touring organization that will henceforth go unnamed, as I have subsequently retired from that career as well. I write a bi-monthly column, theater reviews and an occasional magazine piece for my old newspaper. If I still had a business card it would read: Ron Cunningham: Trained Observer Of The Human Condition. Because like The Donald, you know, ego.

One thought on “This I Do Believe”

  1. Your sojourn in Canada has allowed you to see fully what we are and sadly are becoming. Btw, Lazar is actually spelled laser but of course you can spell it any way you believe is correct.

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