The great usurpers

Andrew Jackson invaded St. Marks and Pensacola, hung two Brit subjects and slaughtered more than 270 free Blacks, escaped slaves and Creek and Choctaw Indians.

Call it a resume builder for Old Hickory’s presidential run.

Florida school children will likely never learn about Jackson’s murderous assault on “Fort Negro.” Such negativity smacks of “critical race theory,” which only makes kids feel bad about America.

That’s why teaching CRC is illegal in this state.

Jackson is the only Florida governor ever elected president. But Gov. Ron DeSantis is clearly planning to end that nearly two-century Sunshine State political drought.

And talk about resume building. He can brag about his successes as a school board member, city and county commissioner and supervisor of elections.

No, he’s never actually been elected to any of those local offices.

But he’s played them all on TV.

This summer Gainesville commissioners are wrestling with a new city budget and reduced revenues. Uber Mayor DeSantis has thoughtfully helped them out with a new law that makes trimming the police budget a tricky business.

This in the interest of stopping the rampant BLM mob anarchy that has occurred in literally no Florida city.

Oh yeah, and about Gainesville’s recent uptick in gun violence?

Listen, kids are killing each other with easily stolen guns. And city commissioners are perfectly free attend as many stop-the-violence vigils as they want.

But if they actually do anything to stem the flow of guns, they risk becoming criminals. This thanks to tough-on-local-officials, pro-gun state laws that DeSantis has made even tougher.

Because Second Amendment rights trump dead children in the Gunshine State.

Incidentally, remember our county commissioners trying to mediate a dispute between Archer residents and a company that wants to put solar panels in their neighborhood? Forget that.

County Chair Extraordinaire DeSantis just signed a law telling locals it’s none of their damned business what a utility company uses to generate electricity.

Presumably, school board members are still trying to figure out exactly what critical race theory is. (CRC being like the Supreme Court’s description of pornography: Can’t really define it but we know it when we see it.)

But at least that may distract them from presuming to set mandatory mask policies to protect students, teachers and other living things against Covid of the Delta variety.

School Superintendent Supreme DeSantis has an executive order on hand to override any such mandates.

And why not? Having stayed in a Holiday Inn Express between fund-raisers, DeSantis knows far more about Covid than any scientist, doctor or school nurse.

Kids gotta breath, he says. As though we’re forcing students to wear plastic bags over their heads.

Meanwhile, county supervisors of elections are still trying to decipher the mess of new laws DeSantos rammed through the Legislature to ratchet down on mail-in ballots, drop off boxes, and giving water to thirsty voters.

This because Super Superintendent DeSantis knows that Election Day dehydration is the point of the spear when it comes to combatting voter fraud.

Heck, Andy Jackson only managed to invade two Florida cities, and he had a militia. Gov. Ron just has a Republican legislature to wage his brand of cultural warfare and impose his will on every county, city, town and school in Florida.

He doesn’t give a fig about home rule authority. But DeSantis will fight to the last Covid death to defend Florida Man’s GOP-given right to infect his neighbors.

Ron Cunningham is former editorial page editor of The Sun. Read his blog at www.floridavelocipede.com. Email him at ron@freegnv.com

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