Rigatoni Ron

This is why people hate government.

Ron DeSantis says it ought to be an inalienable parental right to decide whether their precious kids are free to go to school and infect someone else’s precious kids.

And I get that. Rights are important in this land of the free and home of the ignorant.

But then what happens? The first thing you know, impertinent school boards like ours go right ahead and mandate masks in class. As though Gov. Ron were a figment of Donald Trump’s bloated…um… imagination.

And then, as if to add insult to injury, President (yes, I do have a pulse thank you very much) Biden calls poor old Ron “Gov. Who?” And then asks him to at least get out of the way if he isn’t going to help.

This causing Ron to hold his breath until he turned blu…um…red, before telling Biden to stay the hell out of Florida (good comeback there, Ron).

And then Ron turns up the heat.

First he says he’s going to withhold the salaries of school board members and superintendents who defy him on masks.

Then Education Sec. Richard Corcoran said he’ll launch an investigation into our school board for its “glaring non-compliance” with DeSantis’ parental right to have their kids infect OPCs (other people’s children) mandate.

That should have settled it right there because money talks and investigators walk on heavy feet.

But noooo.

Now Butinsky Biden is saying that his administration may cover withheld school salaries. And Democrats are promising to launch Go Fund Me campaigns to hold fearless board members financially harmless.

And of course, the radical left is filing a flurry of lawsuits challenging Gov. Ron’s right to rewrite the constitutionally mandated duties of school boards.

Well, you can see where this is going, right?

Between White House aiding and abetting and meddlesome judges, untangling this mess could take days, even years.

Heck, DeSantis might even be in the White House himself before he can make good on his Right-To-Infect order of things. Heck, by that time, Florida’s hospital ICU overcrowding crisis may even be over and we’ll all be talking about the next crisis – the looming embalming fluid and cemetery plot shortage.

This is why people hate government.

If Gov. Ron had his head on straight at the very beginning, he would have skipped all of the procedural and legal niceties and gone straight to what we bare knuckled political mavens like to call the Tony Soprano Solution.

That would entail sending a couple a guys named Vinnie (with noses like this) over to have a friendly little chat with the board. (“Nice school system you have here. Be a shame if somethin’ happened to it.”)

And don’t tell me the GOP lacks sufficient mashed-nosed Vinnies to pull it off. What about all the thugs who showed up to “audit” (“Nice ballots you have here….”) Arizona’s vote count? Not to mention the “tourists” who went on an innocent souvenir hunting spree in the U.S. Capitol last January.

Heck, the Proud Boys alone are chomping at the bit for a change to dig out their truncheons and tiki torches again. Fine people them.

But nooooo.

If DeSantis doesn’t get about the vital business of winning hearts and minds by grabbing ‘em by the…well you know…he’s going to lose all credibility.

And the next thing you know, the Wonderful Wizard of Mar-a-Lago will be calling him “Rigatoni Ron” (after the wet noodle don’t you know, which, when you think of it, is a pretty clever handle).

This is your moment Ron. Just remember what Al Capone said: You can convince a lot more people with a kind word and brass knuckles than with just a kind word.

On the other hand, who wouldn’t want to have “Gov. Rigatoni” on his business card?

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