My Berlin Story (and I’m stickin’ to it)

Listen, I’ve been here nearly 72 hours now so of course, being a trained observer of the human condition I pretty much know all there is to know about life in Berlin…birthplace of that great American composer Irving.

Here, I’ll prove it.

You are not going to believe this, but there is an actual monument to my third grade teacher Miss Marley here. Also, Berlin is positively awash in bears, although I do not know why. Plus, there is a humongous giraffe at the entrance to my hotel for equally inexplicable reasons.

I’m just gonna say this and let the chips fall where they may. As far as I can determine, every German word is approximately four times longer than the equivalent American word. This of course makes me feel like a fish out of water because I myself am the soul of brevity.

Fun fact. In Germany, the words “love” and “hate” are spelled exactly the same forwards and backwards. Go figure.

Richard Wagner is a revered figure in Berlin. How adored is this guy? They put a shelter over his statue to keep the pigeons at bay.

Help! I’m being held hostage on a Berlin hop-on-and-off bus!

I don’t care what the international news says: There is no discernible energy crisis in Europe.

Walking through the Tiergarten is a sheer pleasure. And it is made all the easier for the helpful directional signs.

No joke here. My favorite Berlin structure is the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church. Built in the 1890s. Bombed during World War II. It’s still hanging in there…and sticking out like a proud sore thumb in the otherwise glittering shopping district identified on my Google map as “Busy Area.”

I don’t want to show off but I should give you a demonstration of my command of the German language.

Top left: I found your keys…and I stole your car.

Top middle: If you eat this you won’t get any sleep tonight pal!

Far right: Help! I’m lost in the Tiergarten!

Bottom left: Welcome Americans!

Another little known fun fact: Berlin’s plumbing system was designed by Dr. Zeus.

So I began to stare at this captivating window in the basement swimming pool of our hotel.

And suddenly I found myself transported to another dimension from whence I hope to return eventually.

I saw this “Forgiveness” stone in the Tiergarten. And I had to ask myself: Did Beethoven forgive the guy who did his hair?

There’s more, but I depart for Prague on the morrow. And I’ve been given to understand that all of Berlin will go into mourning upon my departure.

As I told JFK: “Ich bin ein Berliner.”

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